


Smooth as Sandpaper

by Lizzp23



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bad Puns, Dorks, Drinking, Eren is a cutie, Hanji is cruel and amazing at the same time, Levis shitty humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 20:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7728445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizzp23/pseuds/Lizzp23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the tumblr prompt I got<br/>"Levi being dared by Hanji to go up on stage and do stand up comedy and he only does it cause he's slightly intoxicated and wants to shut them up. With his humor and all it's filled with puns and shit jokes and no one is laughing, but all of a sudden you hear a snort/choked up laugh from Eren. Then Levi proceeds to flirt with Eren via corny pick-up lines."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smooth as Sandpaper

Levi couldn’t believe he let himself be dragged into this. Sure he’d lost the bet, but he never thought Hanji would take it this far. But he should have known she was unpredictable at the best of times, given free range over the punishment for a bet should have been catastrophic. I guess he could say he got off lightly this time. Well it’s milder than what happened to Erwin last time he lost a bet, poor guy was still finding glitter in places where glitter should  never be.

So here he was, sitting in a poorly lit bar with the rest of the losers he called friends. Originally it was gonna just be him and Hanji, but Mike and Erwin decided to come out and enjoy his torment too. He’d been throwing back drinks all night trying to psyche himself up for it. With each drink he managed to convince himself it wasn’t that bad. He just had to stand up on the bar, tell a few shitty jokes and then sit down. Nothing too major. By his 5th glass of scotch he not only convinced himself to do it, but he was actually excited for it!

Looking around the bar he noticed it was pretty empty for this time of night .It was only his friends, a lone couple sitting in the back of the bar, and a group of what appeared to be 5 college students.

He looked back at Hanji and she tapped on her watch signaling that it was time for Levi to pay up.

Hell he was the funniest fucking person in this group, he could totally nail this. With extra determination Levi pushed up out of his seat and took a stride towards the bar. He must have been drunker than he thought because as soon as he took a step he got dizzy and went careening sideways into Mike. The giant golden retriever of a man luckily caught him before he could hit the ground. Once he righted Levi he walked him over to the bar and attempted to help him climb on top.

Levi felt Mike guide him up on top of the bar, once he was situated by batted the larger mans hands away.

“Hands off the merchandise, pal” Levi grumbled.

Straightening himself up on the counter, using one of the poles attached to it as support, he looked back out at his “audience” and said fuck it. He cleared his throat to begin,

“ So my roommate Hanji forced me to do this so you all better just shut up and prepare to be entertained”

“ Speaking of Hanji that psycho has been my roommate for less than 5 months and she’s already ruined pretty much everything in my house. She let the windows in her bedroom get so dirty once that she tried to convince me they were frosted!”

A small chuckle came from Hanji.

“That’s not even the worst of it. I had to spend all day cleaning those windows to get rid of all the grime she let pile up. Hell I spent so long wiping down the windows I had everyone who passed by thinking I was waving at them”

An awkward cough could be heard in the silent bar.

“ Aw fuck you guys that was funny.” Levi said indignantly. Wracking his booze addled brain he tried to come up with another joke to fill up whatever remaining time he owed to Hanji.

“Oh! ok here’s a good one!’, Levi was aware that he was slurring pretty heavily now and he was swaying dangerously on his perch.

“Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?” he asked

He was met with complete silence as the other patrons tried to figure out what the short man on the bar was talking about now.

“It runs in your jeans!” he joked.

There was silence again and he was just going to give up when he heard it. The most gorgeous laugh ever. Truth be told it was more a loud snort of someone trying to hold in laughter. But it sounded perfect to him.

He looked around the bar and tried to find the one person in this boring ass crowd who appreciated this comedy. He spotted a boy with his hand covering his mouth, his shoulders shaking, clearly trying to hold his chuckles in.

Levi decided to give it one more shot. If he could at least make that boy laugh then the night might be salvaged after all.

“I know you guys are probably waiting for me to get down and stop talking, you guys just don’t appreciate my fine comedic chops. You never really appreciate what you’ve got until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example of this.”

And with that final joke it was like a dam burst and the heavens opened up. The kid who was trying so desperately to contain his laughter now threw his head back and let out a delightful peal of laughter. Levi imagined that was what angels sounded like. It didn’t help that the kid wasn’t half bad looking. Scratch that. The boy was absolutely gorgeous. Tan skin slightly rosy, whether from too much alcohol or embarrassment levi didn’t know, he had a beautiful smile that light up his whole face, and those eyes, lord those eyes. They were such a vibrant shade of teal that Levi swore they glowed in the dark of this dimly light bar.

He had to find out more about that adorable creature with the entrancing eyes and shitty sense of humor just like him. Levi went to get down off the bar and approach the giggling beauty when in his inebriated state he misjudged the height of the bar top and went crashing down onto the floor with a dull thud.

He let out a garbled groan and he tried to open his eyes and gather himself off the floor. He heard a commotion that he was sure was his friends coming to check on him, but when he opened his eyes he was face to face with his green eyed beauty.

Trying to hide his embarrassment Levi said the first thing that came to mind..

“Is that a mirror in your pocket?” he asked, noting the cute way the boy’s nose scrunched up in confusion, “Because I can see myself in your pants”

And that was the last thing he said before he blacked out.

——-

The next morning Levi woke with a pounding headache and bitter disappointment when he realized that he failed to get the cuties number from last night. He probably would never even see the boy again. He decided to get up, instead of allowing himself to wallow in his misery, maybe he could ask Hanji if she had any leads on the one that got away. Walking out into the kitchen Levi grabbed himself a glass of water and was headed towards Hanji’s room when he noticed a napkin with stuff written on it on the counter. Levi went over and examined it, his eyes widening in disbelief. The note read…

_“Do you have any raisins? No? Well how about a date?!”_

_Even when you were passed out on the floor Hanji made sure she got my number for you before she took you home XD_

_There’s plenty more bad pickup lines ahead if you decide to take me up on my offer._

_Call Me ~ Eren_

There was a number scrawled down at the bottom and levi scrambled to get his phone. Maybe living with shitty glasses had its advantages.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked it! Please leave kudos or comments if you did :) If you'd like to request a prompt you can drop it in my ask box.


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